Rant of pain.

[Za_Goobinator]

Why is it that all the good things in my life eventually bring me pain? My life has finally seemed to take a turn in the right direction and suddenly I am in a lot of emotional pain... I have a wonderful girlfriend and my life is pretty good, I should be fucking happy! Not just a depressed fool who never gets anywhere in life...

Pain is what I feel today, nothing but emotional pain.. I take medications that seem to take away that pain, I haven\'t taken them yet today... But why should I, if I am really just an insecure depressed teenager then why should I take some magic medications that change me into a happier person... I am sick and tired of my life now, I want something to change. I want something new in life.

For the past 2 years I have done nothing but sit infront of a computer and occasionally go out of the house... It gets really fucking boring after awhile when nothing new or exciting happens.. Usually I would think about ending my life, but not these days. I have my girlfriend to live for, and my best friend who lives 2000 miles away, I really have no reason to kill myself..

Sometimes death seems better than living in constant pain.. Even when I take my medications if I start thinking about my life the pain comes... Nothing has ever been able to take away my pain.. I just really want this pain to go away so I can be happy, all I\'ve ever wanted was to be happy...

I really hate being 15, because I can\'t do shit all.. I can\'t go to college yet, I can\'t get the job I want and I can\'t get on with my life... My mother constantly tells me that if I don\'t do my schoolwork I will get sent to a group home again... She says that because she believes that\'s what the government will do... But the government nor my mother seem to realize that sending me to a group home again would be killing me... I fucking hate society, and how everyone is expected to conform to one set of rules.. I don\'t fit into society but too bad for me, if I don\'t fit into society they lock me up for not going to school...

Don\'t try to lecture me on how you\'ve been through the same kind of stuff, because you haven\'t... My best friend here in the city keeps telling me how he went through the same stuff and that if he can do it so can I, which proves to me how no-one understands me.. They expect everyone to be the same in this world, and no-one is allowed to be different. Governments only cater to the \"Normal\" people, and \"Abnormal\" people like me seem to have no place in this world..

End.