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+--- Thread: Rant of pain. (/showthread.php?tid=527)
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Rant of pain. - Za_Goobinator - 08-06-2005 11:16 AM
Why is it that all the good things in my life eventually bring me pain? My life has finally seemed to take a turn in the right direction and suddenly I am in a lot of emotional pain... I have a wonderful girlfriend and my life is pretty good, I should be fucking happy! Not just a depressed fool who never gets anywhere in life...
Pain is what I feel today, nothing but emotional pain.. I take medications that seem to take away that pain, I haven\'t taken them yet today... But why should I, if I am really just an insecure depressed teenager then why should I take some magic medications that change me into a happier person... I am sick and tired of my life now, I want something to change. I want something new in life.
For the past 2 years I have done nothing but sit infront of a computer and occasionally go out of the house... It gets really fucking boring after awhile when nothing new or exciting happens.. Usually I would think about ending my life, but not these days. I have my girlfriend to live for, and my best friend who lives 2000 miles away, I really have no reason to kill myself..
Sometimes death seems better than living in constant pain.. Even when I take my medications if I start thinking about my life the pain comes... Nothing has ever been able to take away my pain.. I just really want this pain to go away so I can be happy, all I\'ve ever wanted was to be happy...
I really hate being 15, because I can\'t do shit all.. I can\'t go to college yet, I can\'t get the job I want and I can\'t get on with my life... My mother constantly tells me that if I don\'t do my schoolwork I will get sent to a group home again... She says that because she believes that\'s what the government will do... But the government nor my mother seem to realize that sending me to a group home again would be killing me... I fucking hate society, and how everyone is expected to conform to one set of rules.. I don\'t fit into society but too bad for me, if I don\'t fit into society they lock me up for not going to school...
Don\'t try to lecture me on how you\'ve been through the same kind of stuff, because you haven\'t... My best friend here in the city keeps telling me how he went through the same stuff and that if he can do it so can I, which proves to me how no-one understands me.. They expect everyone to be the same in this world, and no-one is allowed to be different. Governments only cater to the \"Normal\" people, and \"Abnormal\" people like me seem to have no place in this world..
End.
RE: Rant of pain. - LivingTarget - 08-06-2005 02:56 PM
Just hang in there, things get better eventually. Just do what you do best and to be honest school is a pain.
But remember it\'s not the end of the world. I didn\'t finish school either.
RE: Rant of pain. - Za_Goobinator - 08-06-2005 04:41 PM
Things are already getting better, I decided to write a song for my girlfriend tonight and she absolutely loved it
. My girlfriend always manages to make bad days good 
. I have also decided I am going to ween myself off of my medications, because I proved to myself today that I don\'t need them.
RE: Rant of pain. - Reno - 08-06-2005 05:00 PM
just remember what happens if you get off medication too fast: http://www.machall.com/
RE: Rant of pain. - w00p - 08-06-2005 06:59 PM
Just don\'t think about it, really.
You literally said \"all I\'ve ever wanted was to be happy.\" and proven fact is, it\'ll never come if you want it, and then when you almost give up something happens to make life more than worth it.
And you should be more open to others... Maybe nobody has felt what you feel, but I\'m pretty sure they have, only to a lesser extent, and believe it or not, the solution is almost always the same: get over it.
Try not to think about it, find distractions, it can only get better if you don\'t dwell on it.
It doesn\'t magically go away, you need to block it out of your mind, cause, thats where it is.
As you\'ve said you\'ve got enough stuff to live for, so its purely an illusion in disguise.
Hope stuff get better! :tup:
RE: Rant of pain. - Za_Goobinator - 08-06-2005 07:23 PM
Thanks for the advice w00p
, it was actually pretty good . I just got sick of my pain, and I needed to let off some steam.. I\'ve been in emotional pain for about 6 years now... You just slightly get sick of it after awhile. Though I\'ll definately take your advice
RE: Rant of pain. - Delirium_ - 08-06-2005 07:26 PM
-Everything is a lesson, learn or fall again.
-Get off those fucking pills, ffs, they DO NOT cure you, they are not the magical pill towards happiness. They are just the placebo of the mind making you feel \"not too bad\" for a little while.
-Stop pretending life can be so much better and start thinking that life can be so much worse. Live to make your life better instead of living to feel your life sucks.
-Don\'t think college and being \"grown-up\" is so much fun, forget about the fables they thought you during your whole life that being an adult is great. What\'s so great about paying bills and taxes, having responsabilities and having to bow down to a society where people work not for their luxery but their mortgage, bills, taxes and fines. Be happy you\'re still a \"kid\" and don\'t have to do much of what \"us\" \"adults\" need to go through.
-Never stop being a kid.
-If you want change, make change, you got more options than a person who needs to think about feeding two mouths and making sure he has a house above his head at the end of the month.
-If you can\'t do shit, at least try to do shit.... by all means... It\'s your life and you deserve to be happy and love life untill it\'s proven that this isn\'t your only one.
-Never conform, let the sheep conform, us wolves prey upon them.
-Be as a wolf in sheepsclothing when needed.
-Make your hate productive before you end up a bitter old man going to sleep each night with thoughts of killing people.
-Happiness doesn\'t exist anymore cause everyone expects to be fucking Brad Pitt with boats, bitches, blunts and another B or two. Find happiness in smaller things. Become a person in a state dormance from the bullshit of \"true happiness and luck\".
-Fuck the government, fuck Metropolis, Big Brother, the grey mass... Great things come from people who step out of the line, they build society of the future if they stand up rather then whimper in a corner in front of their TV.
-Don\'t think you\'re so special, you might be unique but people have walked similar paths in life. People telling you you will be fine are bullshitting you, you decide whether you stay this sorry-pile-of-misery or not.
Begin.
RE: Rant of pain. - joeb - 08-06-2005 08:31 PM
Za_Goobinator Wrote:For the past 2 years I have done nothing but sit infront of a computer and occasionally go out of the house...
Stopped reading there... ok, I didn\'t stop reading there but I liked to say it anyway
Seriously mate, get out more, get more friends and such (not that I know anything about your specific situation, so forgive me if I\'m wrong), as social contacts are absolutely essential for personal happiness.
for the rest. Read that post above mine
RE: RE: Rant of pain. - Albert Wesker - 08-06-2005 08:47 PM
joeb Wrote:Seriously mate, get out more, get more friends and such (not that I know anything about your specific situation, so forgive me if I\'m wrong), as social contacts are absolutely essential for personal happiness.
Easier said then done :con:
Anyway Goobster, its is sometimes good to vent some steam, Good Luck dude.
RE: Rant of pain. - w00p - 08-07-2005 05:01 AM
You and your g/f just go to some local caf? and meet locals, and you go to school so sure you know enough ppl to get closer to...
Nightlife going out really pwns, you don\'t know what you\'re missing.
My local youth club brought me dozens of new friends I 100% certain would not have made if I was sitting at home.
Just be friendly! Being a bit tipsy can help, but try not to get too wasted as first impression stays.