Yay. My life is fucked.

[Sgt. Boomer]

Life can leave some pretty deep cuts, but what Everest said is true, is does make you stronger and it does get easier with time. You just have to find a way to hang on. It sounds like you’ve got a lot to overcome, but you’re doing the right things: going to talk to the girl’s mother; stopped drinking and doing drugs. It takes most people a lot longer to learn to stop running from their problems. You’re showing an impressive level of maturity for your age.

Hopefully your talk with the girl’s mother will go well straight off. But even if she doesn’t back down now, it doesn’t mean she won’t accept you later. Remember you don’t have to be with someone to love them- it makes it easier of course, but think about all those soldiers from WWII that spent months or years away from their wives or girlfriends. If you care about each other, waiting for each other will only strengthen that bond.

The insomnia is a very serious problem, that alone can make you feel like you’re going nuts. You could have low levels of serotonin- a neurotransmitter, or brain chemical, that regulates mood and sleep. In addition to depression and insomnia, low serotonin can make it difficult to concentrate, cause anxiety, mood swings, and obsessive thoughts, as though your brain was running full throttle with your thoughts going round and round and round and you can’t turn it off or slow it down. You’re right about antidepressants (and/or sleeping pills), they only make things worse in the long term. But there are some things you can get at a health food store that will help raise your serotonin levels naturally.

One is a product called 5-HTP (also called Tryfonia, or L-5-hydroxytryptophan), it’s a form of tryptophan, a natural precursor to serotonin. Your body uses it to make serotonin, kind of like it uses sunshine to make vitamin D. It’s a natural product so it has no side effects. Take one or two before bed, have a light snack (fruit is best – particularly grapefruit). It won’t work as well on a full stomach, and if you take it on a completely empty stomach, it will make you nauseous. Plain tryptophan will work too, but you might need a prescription for it.

Anyway, that might at least help you get a good nights sleep, and perhaps lift your mood a little. And it really does help, I’ve battled insomnia for years. I know when you’re depressed it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by things, and to feel like trying one more thing is just too much trouble. But taking small steps to regain a sense of control over your life can make all the difference.